how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
