you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
