Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
