nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sorry about my life...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
