we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
