I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
This is my gift to your gina
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
