My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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