Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
