Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i was born a porn star she said
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
this boner is exhausting
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
