the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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