So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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