Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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