i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just pee around me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
