That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she peed on how many people?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
