I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
