I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
