Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
