It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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