my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
