Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
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