Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
