fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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