It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
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I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
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& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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