Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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