3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize