dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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