i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We left an ass print on the piano.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
