i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
