After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
