I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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