I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
