um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
