how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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