i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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