guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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