Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
