she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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