Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
