so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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