so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
