She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
