And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
