the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
it's great music for shaving your balls
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
