Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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