remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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