you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
