And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
