Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
