Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
