I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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