this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
