I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
