My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
