I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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