Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
