corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize