just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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