im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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