He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
