We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
