He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
