I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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