I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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