Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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